in the eye of a whale

hi,
Thanks for calling, you’ve reached Renée, your local guide to the realm of sound from humans, creatures, and beyond. I am not able to pick up right now, and this will be a long message, so if you’d like to skip it, here’s info about our next circle and perhaps we’ll see you there… However, if you’re up for some good story about how all is connected, keep it locked at KSNG.

This month has taken me across the country twice, as I prepared to send my father off to the mystery on 2.15.15, may his memory be for a blessing.
On the heels of that I found myself in despairing shock when a dear friend chose to take her own life. Oh my heart!

This newsletter could go in so many directions because as we earth the body of these souls and they enter the ether, I long to unearth more guidance about how fragile we are and how to strengthen us while we are here.

First and foremost, I will share vulnerably that I am no stranger to the idea that it might be ok to choose to leave the planet before becoming an elder. I cannot explain the despair that has been a part of those times. I always found the fire of life that kept me going. He always told me to call out to the mystery, to pray, to pick up the phone. I am so glad I did, and right now I am knowing it is incumbent upon us to pay attention. If you or someone you know struggle with depression or suicidal urges, I send you off to Karla McLaren’s website again which is a wealth of resources for all realms.

http://karlamclaren.com/lets-talk-about-suicide/

What does all this have to do with Vocal Improv? Everything. The synchronicities are endless. My friend Lisa Shachter-Brooks, blessed be she, not a Rabbi or a singer, but a woman with strong heart, who “happened” to be in Miami this week helped to find a completely donated service through local social services, and when we could find no Rabbi to officiate stepped up to lead and sing at the service. Her kindness is engraved in my heart. Meanwhile it was important for me to sing El Malei Rakhamim, a chant in the Jewish tradition that allows the soul of the deceased to make their transition from the body to spirit. Before this week, I had never heard of it. There was no time to learn a melody. I printed the words and the melody sang through me. An improvising opportunity I did not expect and feel grateful for.

About a month and a half ago I started longing again to listen to recordings of whale songs. These songs, deeply emotive, ancient, playful, mourning, delicious, and mama-ish, stir me up! Little did I know then that my beloved friend and lover of whales, Gail Orchier, The River Guidess of Marin would choose to make her way to the mystery due to her own despair. Unbelievable. We saw her struggles of late, which were exacerbated by the loss of her longtime home and other factors.

Gail was an immaculate weaver of community for many. She created incredible whitewater rafting trips accompanied by dance, yoga, amazing food, music, drumming, workshops, true connection, and I was there as a facilitator along the way. Equally so, she was there along my way, and I have to say that I credit Gail for the fact that I am leading Vocal Improv today!

10 years ago, a series of dreams about Gail showed me we would be collaborating and that I would bring my music to her events. It was singing in the dreams, but it started with drumming on her trips. December 30th, 2011 she put together an event at Open Secret in San Rafael and she said “Wanna lead a drum circle?” and since there was no payment for what is a 5 hour work day for me, I said “maybe not (LOL!)…but how about a Vocal Improv circle?” She agreed and I took the leap. This event manifested into a class in Marin for one year before I moved it to Berkeley, as well as a connection with someone who is now one of my best friends who on that day had offered her home for the first circle. After that we met at Gail’s, a venue for masses of amazing musicians, dancers, conscious people finding their way through community. Community is what Gail was about, and yet feeling so alone when the circle separates. Ahhhhh, you can’t imagine my sadness and confusion when I think of it.

We know that whales live in a social unit called a pod, which can consist of matrilineal groups up to three generations. I look to the whales for how to live with each other in a circle of love that also includes hearing each other’s song. So, here’s to our song pod…I invite you this month to come and dwell in the song of the whale…

We reached out, but perhaps not enough? If we only knew how much pain she was feeling. Grandmothers and Grandfathers, All that is, please forgive us for any way we missed the mark here!